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Post by Asphyxia on May 14, 2010 1:32:28 GMT -7
l i l l i a n || a r a b e l l e || r u b y who's going to love you when you come undone?
-------------------------------------------------------- May 14th, 2010
Dear little diary,
I don't know how to word this well but some issues have been brought up. For one, I knew vampires could have children, but I never thought I would actually experience having another child again especially with Caleb. He doesn't really seem like the fatherly type and neither am I prepared to be a mother at the moment. Enjoying my free time with him is the greatest sensation in the world especially when I appear in his concerts. That's when he is at his best, truly. Of course, like any other good ruler--I can't believe I've said that, it sounds really weird and cliche, above all--I have to attend and do certain things for my people that I normally want him to cling to when I'm there. He's my relying lifeline that I can usually depend on when I loose my nerve or my compact mask of seriousness when with the ever growing family.
Continuing with the story, I'm pretty nervous about this. All the human test results have come out positive without any sign of a falter, and when that usually happens, it means it's true. I cannot be pregnant. Let's be honest here, Caleb and I are a little too young to handle this so early in the relationship. And by early I mean this in-depth. We've only discussed a few of the many things we yet have to discover although I feel like we secretly know each of our flaws and hidden secrets without having to speak the word aloud. Within more reason, it adds to my reasons as to why this shouldn't happen. I hope it's just a small little scare. I'm not sure how Caleb would handle this if he would find out... and by seeing his previous freak outs when he thought he'd found motivation in another person or when he lost his voice once upon a time during a gig, this will be the end of the world. He's still the naive hearted child I adore and cherish, he's not prepared...
I'm not prepared.
So I guess I will conclude my ending paragraph or sentence with crossing my fingers, hoping this is all just a bad dream or phantom feelings of not doing anything like that for a while...
Ehem, bye Diary.
Lillian JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch. |
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Post by Asphyxia on Jun 22, 2010 20:25:45 GMT -7
l i l l i a n || a r a b e l l e || r u b y birds flying high, you know how I feel.
-------------------------------------------------------- June 22nd, 2010
Dear dear diary, :]
It's been so long that I've visited your wonderful pages secluded of colorful history. I know I've neglected you so, but nothing much has been going. Caleb and I still are going pretty strong, and sometime this year, it'll be our 3rd anniversary of being together. Can you believe that?! 3 years already. Of course, our relationship has had its ups and downs like any typical roller coaster, but it has had more ups than it has had its downs.
Diary... I know there's a page with a previous history. A scare I had some time ago. It feels silly now that I had that scare. Maybe my genetics are composed of a high level of estrogen to the point of not being able to bear children while a vampire yet the genetic make up made the results positive no matter what. That's a relief. Caleb would have died. At least I believe he wouldn't have survived the thought of being a father at such a young age or fathering a child of his own he wasn't expecting. Not that even with a little warning he'd take it lightly... we could never "pre-plan" a situation like this. Not even marriage crosses my thoughts although I've never been married, in all honesty. Of course, thanks to that little experience in my forgotten past, I would never want to experience an almost marriage like that ever again.
What am I saying... I can't see myself married to anyone. The personal, glorious binding I already have with Caleb is enough. I do not need any "legal" ties to know that the man in my life loves me and probably will never leave me.
Or so I'd like to think.
But I'm faithful and completely and irrevocably in love with him. No other man appeals to me anymore no any other being in the world could ever appeal to me ever after finding my sense of motivation in this beautiful human who values my life even if I'm an unnatural being. Being accepted by what I am and who I am wasn't as tough as I'd made it to be once upon a time and I cherish his humanity and the burning assurance of his embracing warmth to keep me step by step in this immortal, eternal life. I'm grateful for a lot of things, but I'm especially grateful for such a saint like him. For the angelic creature conceived by a wonderful existing masterpiece. Life has given me the ultimate richness, and I'll never let it go.
And as cheesy as I sounded before, I hope it remains clear to the world that I'm in the perfect condition with perfection fallen from the sky, beautifully flawed with human hormones. Let's hope the good news keeps going strong in my next entry, diary. I'm excited for our little anniversary. Maybe, like last year, I'll make something out of it... hopefully it doesn't get to the point of another scare, although I'm a bit more prepared this time.
Ha ha. Adieu, Diary...
with love,
Lillian. JACK from caution 2.0 made this gorgeous template. He worked hard, so leave the credit on, bitch. |
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